Sympathy Flower Etiquette

Funerals are emotional events that call for a lot of sensitivity. Flowers or plants at this time are a way of showing that you care and often express what is difficult to put into words. They also add an element of warmth to the occasion.

Sympathy flowers are usually sent to the funeral home or mortuary where the ‘wake’ is being held by the family members. They may also be carried to the church at the time of the funeral service.

The following points should be considered when sending sympathy flowers:

• Timing. Ideally flowers should be sent to the funeral home, church or mortuary prior to the first visitation hours. If for whatever reason, your flowers cannot be delivered early, they should be delivered before any additional visitations. Delivering flowers just as the visitation hours are ending or rushing them to the grave side is considered a faux pas as it tends to cause inconvenience.
• Deliver flowers to the residence of the bereaved family members. This is especially true if you are closer to a member of the family than you were to the deceased person. It is considered good etiquette to send flowers to the homes of family members up to a month after the funeral. This shows them that they are still in your thoughts and is very comforting.
• Personal tributes in or on the casket are a privilege that is normally reserved for the family. If, however, you are very moved to want to do this, speak to a family member before the funeral service and then abide by their wishes. Remember that funerals are sensitive moments.
• Sympathy tokens in lieu of flowers: Sometimes family members consider a charitable donation in memory of the deceased person to be more appropriate than flowers. Notice of this is usually contained in the funeral announcement. Irrespective of what you wish to do, it is always good etiquette to abide by the wishes of the family.
• Local traditions should be considered when sending sympathy flowers. The flower color is important, especially in Asian communities, with white being the safest color to send. Yellow chrysanthemums are a funeral flower to Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans. The Chinese prefer cut flowers (especially yellow and white chrysanthemums). Take the time to find out about the traditions of the family members so as not to unknowingly cause hurt at this time.
• The size of floral tribute is an important consideration. If you are a family member or a very close friend, you may want to send a large arrangement. If you are just an acquaintance, a smaller arrangement would be more appropriate. On the other hand, if for some reason you know that there are not likely to be too many flowers and you want to add warmth, you may want to consider sending more than one bouquet.
• Attach a card to your flowers. Family members are likely to be in a daze at the time of a wake. They would, however, like to know who sent flowers so that they can later acknowledge the kindness and sentiment.
• A final point in sympathy floral etiquette is to consider the place where you are sending the flowers. If they are going to the funeral home, you may want to make your bouquet a sheaf. Sending a basket or a vase may be more suitable if it is sent to the home of one of the family members.

Funerals and the days immediately after are fraught with emotions. Solidarity and support during this time are cherished. Let sensitivity to the feelings of the surviving family members be your guide in deciding what kind of flowers to send as a means of expressing your sympathy.

About the Author:
George White runs Morningside Florist, a highly regarded Sacramento florist for special occasions, thank you flower gift baskets, or corporate gift needs where arrangements can be made for same day flower delivery in Sacramento or timely delivery for anywhere else in the United States.